Loving a Addict

‘Your words hit me deep when you were opening up about your mother’s addiction. I feel like so many people can relate to your feelings. I guess my question is how did you find a way to balance your own emotions so well? While I’m reading your words for a second I feel like everything is going to be okay, but in reality I don’t think I will ever get over my parents being addicts. I have so much hatred and guilt.’

First, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.. Truly, it means so much to me. Thank you for reading my work. <3

I used to carry the weight of believing that I was responsible for my mother’s addiction. She was a very young, single mother who was still just a kid herself— and I always thought that I took that from her. For a long time I thought that my love and support could fix everything. It was a heavy burden to carry, and it took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t her cure.

And letting go of that mindset was tough. It felt like I was mourning a person who was still alive, grieving the relationship that I wished for but couldn’t have. I was 21 when I finally understood that I can love her from a distance without losing myself in her struggles— I just turned 21 a few months ago.

I know you have heard it one billion times before, but you need to know that it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. Healing doesn’t mean you forget; it just means finding peace with what it is.

And balancing my own emotions on top of that was another journey in itself— but I learned to let go of that sense of responsibility that I thought I had owed her addiction.

And I’m sure you know that the journey to healing is one crazy ass roller coaster to ride.

but I think that there is a certain strength in sharing our stories and acknowledging our pain. And I hope that one day you decide to get on that roller coaster a navigate every single stomach wrenching twist & turn that it throws at you. Once you're off, none of it seems all that scary anymore.